I still feel somewhat emo, even after trying to talk about it. Talking doesn't solve anything, only when it is acted upon then it will bring about changes. But the actions are really a lot harder than words, and the worst things is I have no idea where to start, how to start.

Perhaps it will gradually become easier, nothing matters if I don't start doing things that needed to be done. Even though sometimes the things that had to be done is clear in your mind, somehow I would just falter when the times come to actually put things into action.

It's one of my bad habit that I seriously need to change, it's something that always causes me to regret afterwards; yet no matter what happens, it's still one of the bad habit that follows me.

Spending the whole weekend at home, I had lots of time to think about various things. I was told before that I do not open up enough to people around me and that is one of the main reason why I don't feel close to them. Yet the only reason I was unable to just pour my heart out is precisely because I do not feel close enough to those people.

Maybe because of that I might not be able to find people whom I can pour my heart out to no matter how long I waited, since the theory goes that way. Most of the time, due to the fact that I do not talk about private stuffs, I feel that I had no right to pry into other's business also; but then again that sometimes give me the feeling as if I am not a good enough friend since I do not care enough to ask them what is wrong.

And even though I understands that everything I experienced was brought to myself with my own hands; every action of mine is what brought about every results and there is no one to blame but myself, there is still the wistful thinking of me being able to change who I am.

Truth is, even though I wanted change, I am aware that in a corner of my heart, I am afraid of changes, for we will never know if things changes for the better or for worse. And I am simply not brave enough to face things if it turned worse. If so, I will rather things stay as they are at a stage where although I might not be happiest, but at least I am content instead of upset.

I am someone who do not know when to act, how to act when it comes to many things. Even when I know how, I have no idea when to start. All I can do is simply watch others move on and gets further and further away...to somewhere out of my reach...